In algebra, the equation f(x) = x² describes a parabolic function that never dips below the x-axis.  For any number you can think of, be it negative or positive, be it an integer or a fraction, the graph will never give you a negative value.  With the exception of zero, squaring the unknown will only produce a positive outcome.

Which is what I thought would happen when I decided to square my Girl Scout cookies: there could only be a positive outcome.  Or so I tried to tell myself.

Taking a mallet and smashing perfectly good Thin Mint Cookies inspired a  certain degree of cognitive dissonance.  Before embarking on this grand experiment, I snuck three of the Thin Mints out of the plastic bag.   If this recipe proved to be a disaster, I reasoned, I would at least have had a Thin Mint or two to show for it.

PREP TIME: 30 minutes
COOK TIME: 15 minutes

WHAT TO GRAB:
1 Package of Thin Mint Girl Scout cookies
6 tablespoons butter, softened
1/2 cup sugar
1/2 cup brown sugar
1 egg
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/2 teaspoon peppermint extract
1 1/4 cups flour
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon Kosher salt
1 teaspoon milk (if necessary)

HOW YOU DO IT:

1.  Preheat your oven to 350 degrees.  Line two baking sheets with parchment paper.

2. Empty the Thin Mints into a gallon-size plastic bag.  (If a few don’t quite make it into the bag that’s obviously okay).  Push the air out and seal the bag.  Using a rolling pin, or the smooth side of a meat tenderizer, smash the cookies into small pieces.  A few larger chunks are okay, but you really don’t want to have too many.

3.  In a large mixing bowl, cream together the butter and the sugars.  Add the vanilla extract, the peppermint extract, and the egg, and mix until incorporated.  In a separate bowl, sift together the flour, baking soda, and salt.  Working in batches, add the dry ingredients to the wet.  *If its too dry and tough, add the teaspoon of milk.

4.  With a rubber spatula, fold in the bits of Thin Mints, mixing until well combined.  The dough should be a nice grey.  Form the dough into 1-inch balls, and place the rounds onto the baking sheets.  But don’t overcrowd.  Bake for 13 minutes, or until just beginning to brown at the edges.

5.  Cool the cookies on a wire rack, then serve!